Let Your Dreams Blossom

With holidays in full swing and winter temperatures upon us, it’s hard to imagine things blooming, and yet, here I wonder what I could bloom both personally and professionally during the winter months? Of course, January is just around the corner, and that means many people will be setting the traditional New Year’s resolutions.

I, too, like many I know, have set a New Year’s resolution into full swing only to have the resolution fall short in achieving the desired outcome. Disheartening as it is, it sets the stage for less accomplishment when a person gives up turning their TRIES into DOING. Thus many, don’t lose the weight, still drink more alcohol than they committed not to and don’t go to the gym, or any number of New Year’s resolutions.

However, what if I didn’t do that this year? What if I embark upon a plan of action that wasn’t about setting a New Year’s resolution and focused on my dreams and goals differently? So, I asked myself some key questions. Questions that would help me determine the best approach towards a goal I decided I wanted to accomplish for the upcoming year.

Key Questions –

  1. What is my WHY for the goal, the dream?
  2. What would my outcomes look like?
  3. What would the action steps be?
  4. What more might I accomplish with my business or personal life if I took the action steps?

Once I answered questions 1 and 2, it was time to devise a plan of action to complete questions 3 and 4. A SMART Plan can help us accomplish a definite and specific goal. What is a SMART Plan? It’s a plan that is –

SMART Plan – One of the many tools to success –

  1. Specific – what specifically do you want? Make it positive!
  2. Measurable – How will you know, along the way, that you’ve achieved what you want?
  3. Actions – What actions might I need to take to achieve my desired outcome?
  4. Reasons – What are the reasons why I want this goal/dream. List the positive reasons (what good would come of my doing these actions?) of why and the negative reasons (what bad/negative thing could potentially happen if I don’t achieve my goal)?
  5. Time – How soon do I want this outcome? Typically give yourself 90-days for a SMART Plan. If you need more time, there are probably some sub-goals that would help you get to the bigger goal.

Once I had the plan in place, I asked a good friend who is also a coach to hold me accountable and support me in my goal and the plan I’d established.

Just in case you’re not convinced that writing out a plan is the way to go – Here’s what else I know; goal setting rooted deep into psychology has helped those who take the time to set goals to achieve greater success. It is not to say that all persons living a life of “let life take its course” will fail. However, success at a higher level is not as readily achieved. Setting a plan and sticking to the action steps, course-correcting as needed, and focusing on the outcome goes a lot farther in attaining the goal.

 

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
~ Albert Einstein

 

It’s also important to remember that we aren’t perfect. Having support from a trusted friend or coach who can hold us accountable and encourage us along the way can be of great value. They can assist in keeping us from falling short of what we want and avoiding pitfalls along the way.

Along with support, it’s important to continue asking the key questions and avoid the negative ones; otherwise, we are setting ourselves up for failure right out of the gate. So, we want to avoid questions such as;

Questions and Pitfalls to Avoid –

  1. Why don’t I ever achieve what I set out to do?
  2. Why do I always *(&^ up?
  3. Alternatively, whatever negative version the question is.
  4. During the 90-days, affirm what’s working and what’s not working, so you can course correct.
  5. Look back at areas of your life where you did succeed at your goals/dreams.
  6. Rid yourself of negative self-talk.
  7. Slow down and listen to what the cause for resistance might be?

Last thing –

More than anything, I would encourage you to do something different this year with your New Year’s Resolution. Give the SMART Plan a go and see where it takes you

  1. Let me leave you with these final questions.
  2. What does your future perfect day in your goal look like?
  3. What do you have to lose in giving the SMART Plan some good old-fashioned effort?
  4. What might your life look like next year if you don’t set a course of action this year?
  5. How do you want 2019 to look?

I’d love to hear your dreams and goals. Feel free to share them below. And, if you find that you’d like some assistance along the way – reach out to me, I’d love to help.

Love & Blessings,

Vonie

Divorce the Story

 

I was out for a run this morning and listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Marie Forleo, and an interview she was doing with the author of WorkParty. They were discussing the author’s failure with her first business, the lessons she’d learned along the way, and how she built her second company. The author’s determination, the tenacity, and the desire to push forward were what I needed to hear about. I had been feeling out of sorts with myself and how the pace of my business was progressing.

My being out of sorts all started one evening during one of my Healing Through Horses Meetups. That evening there was only one person that RSVP’d to the Meetup. She was new, and although something told me to cancel, I didn’t want to cancel and leave her hanging until the following week.

The story –

My first mistake was not listening to my gut – my gut told me to cancel. My second mistake was not listening to my gut again when I sat across from the attendee – my gut and chest were in turmoil, telling me something was afoot with this client, and something wasn’t right. I figured it was picking up on deep-rooted nervousness and proceeded to open the session. My usual question with new Meetup members is, what was it that brought you to join the Meetup and attend this evening? Alternatively, some variation of the question.

The response was a good clue as to what was afoot with the client. I proceeded in some basic, tried, and true Gestalt work with her until we eventually moved into a piece that is a higher level of grading; meaning, a more significant release of the past.

As we proceeded, things shifted, and then there was a complete shutdown from the client, and she no longer wanted to participate. What I found after we’d been deep into the work is that her mental health was far beyond my scope of practice.

I learned some valuable lessons that day. First and foremost, to listen to my gut on another level. Second, to ask a few more questions before I work with someone new. Third, once I’ve established some clarity of a person’s mental health, then I can move forward into the deeper work.

What else I learned was that I was vulnerable to the ramblings of someone who needed much more help than I could provide. You see, this woman, let loose on me. The words were ugly, hateful, demeaning, and wounded the part of me that, at times, believes I’m not-good-enough.

The wound was buried, and it took me some time to divorce the stories I kept telling myself. Who am I to think I could help anyone? What in the world was I thinking about becoming a coach? What right did I have to be working in this field? The questions promoting self-doubt finally ceased. I climbed out of my toilet bowl, thinking, and was ready to re-write the story.

Divorce the Story –

I was still out running when Marie’s podcast completed, so I moved on to another favorite, Tony Robbins. I had heard Tony say these words before, “Divorce The Story and Marry The Truth.”

So, when I completed my run, I came into my office and wrote myself a note to write this blog and divorce the story and marry the truth.

Playing the negative aspects of the session over and over in my head wasn’t helpful. What could I have done differently? Where did the session take a-turn? And more questions to help me get clear on my part of the session and hers too.

What I realized is I was letting the words and ill will of another person pull me down, and I needed to stop the negative self-talk train. It was derailing me from my goals, my dreams, and the purpose of sharing my gifts as a coach.

In writing this blog, I am marrying the truth.

Marry the Truth –

I am damned good at what I do. I have had several opportunities where someone has attended the Meetup and walked away with tears of joy, feelings of accomplishment, a sense of purpose, a belief in themselves, answers for the next step, and more.

I have also coached private clients who also felt they achieved what they set out to accomplish with coaching. I have hosted workshops that people walked away from feeling renewed and energized.

I’m happy to say that I’ve come out on the other side of the story. I, once again, believe in my abilities as a coach. I am a woman with personal power to accomplish what I desire.

I am putting coal in the engine again. The train moving A Tail of New Beginnings forward is me, and I won’t stop. I believe in the cause of women helping women. I believe in the women I want to support and the power of coaching.

I have personally experienced and witnessed how the partnering of horses and a coach can bring so much healing, and that in itself is truly inspiring.

The Offer –

Have you experienced a traumatic event that held you back or an event that kept you stuck? Perhaps another person’s words have stuck in your subconscious, and they play over and over without your awareness. Alternatively, maybe, you hear the negative self-talk consistently and aren’t sure how to rid yourself of the Negative Nancy that keeps holding you hostage in the self-doubt.

On Sunday, October 21, 2018, I am hosting Minimizing Negative Self-Talk. A workshop designed to help you name the Negative Nancies, to reframe the language, to build positive self-talk, and more. Hope to see you there.

As always, I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below or feel free to email me and share your story.

In Health,

Vonie

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