Divorce the Story
I was out for a run this morning and listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Marie Forleo, and an interview she was doing with the author of WorkParty. They were discussing the author’s failure with her first business, the lessons she’d learned along the way, and how she built her second company. The author’s determination, the tenacity, and the desire to push forward were what I needed to hear about. I had been feeling out of sorts with myself and how the pace of my business was progressing.
My being out of sorts all started one evening during one of my Healing Through Horses Meetups. That evening there was only one person that RSVP’d to the Meetup. She was new, and although something told me to cancel, I didn’t want to cancel and leave her hanging until the following week.
The story –
My first mistake was not listening to my gut – my gut told me to cancel. My second mistake was not listening to my gut again when I sat across from the attendee – my gut and chest were in turmoil, telling me something was afoot with this client, and something wasn’t right. I figured it was picking up on deep-rooted nervousness and proceeded to open the session. My usual question with new Meetup members is, what was it that brought you to join the Meetup and attend this evening? Alternatively, some variation of the question.
The response was a good clue as to what was afoot with the client. I proceeded in some basic, tried, and true Gestalt work with her until we eventually moved into a piece that is a higher level of grading; meaning, a more significant release of the past.
As we proceeded, things shifted, and then there was a complete shutdown from the client, and she no longer wanted to participate. What I found after we’d been deep into the work is that her mental health was far beyond my scope of practice.
I learned some valuable lessons that day. First and foremost, to listen to my gut on another level. Second, to ask a few more questions before I work with someone new. Third, once I’ve established some clarity of a person’s mental health, then I can move forward into the deeper work.
What else I learned was that I was vulnerable to the ramblings of someone who needed much more help than I could provide. You see, this woman, let loose on me. The words were ugly, hateful, demeaning, and wounded the part of me that, at times, believes I’m not-good-enough.
The wound was buried, and it took me some time to divorce the stories I kept telling myself. Who am I to think I could help anyone? What in the world was I thinking about becoming a coach? What right did I have to be working in this field? The questions promoting self-doubt finally ceased. I climbed out of my toilet bowl, thinking, and was ready to re-write the story.
Divorce the Story –
So, when I completed my run, I came into my office and wrote myself a note to write this blog and divorce the story and marry the truth.
Playing the negative aspects of the session over and over in my head wasn’t helpful. What could I have done differently? Where did the session take a-turn? And more questions to help me get clear on my part of the session and hers too.
What I realized is I was letting the words and ill will of another person pull me down, and I needed to stop the negative self-talk train. It was derailing me from my goals, my dreams, and the purpose of sharing my gifts as a coach.
In writing this blog, I am marrying the truth.
Marry the Truth –
I am damned good at what I do. I have had several opportunities where someone has attended the Meetup and walked away with tears of joy, feelings of accomplishment, a sense of purpose, a belief in themselves, answers for the next step, and more.
I have also coached private clients who also felt they achieved what they set out to accomplish with coaching. I have hosted workshops that people walked away from feeling renewed and energized.
I’m happy to say that I’ve come out on the other side of the story. I, once again, believe in my abilities as a coach. I am a woman with personal power to accomplish what I desire.
I am putting coal in the engine again. The train moving A Tail of New Beginnings forward is me, and I won’t stop. I believe in the cause of women helping women. I believe in the women I want to support and the power of coaching.
I have personally experienced and witnessed how the partnering of horses and a coach can bring so much healing, and that in itself is truly inspiring.
The Offer –
Have you experienced a traumatic event that held you back or an event that kept you stuck? Perhaps another person’s words have stuck in your subconscious, and they play over and over without your awareness. Alternatively, maybe, you hear the negative self-talk consistently and aren’t sure how to rid yourself of the Negative Nancy that keeps holding you hostage in the self-doubt.
On Sunday, October 21, 2018, I am hosting Minimizing Negative Self-Talk. A workshop designed to help you name the Negative Nancies, to reframe the language, to build positive self-talk, and more. Hope to see you there.
As always, I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below or feel free to email me and share your story.
As a life coach, I’m always working on ways I can help women to achieve success both personally and professionally. With education and teaching being one of my top values, I need to make an impact and help others. To provide the best possible service to my clients and to help them achieve their dreams and goals is rewarding and makes my heart sing.
One of the workshops I have hosted the past two years does just that. It’s called Look Back/Look Forward and this year we not only looked back on 2019, but we reflected on the last decade. The process is around what we learned, what we were proud of, what we accomplished versus what we were lacking in, or didn’t do.
The entertaining part of the workshop this year was the horses. Elliott Horsepower Ranch, where the workshop was held, has a viewing room and arena that were perfect for our classroom. With the heat on and window open, the horses were poking their heads in the window and showing a lot of curiosity for the participants and providing support during coaching experiences.
Once done with the review portion of the workshop, we dove into the next decade and what top goals to set for 2020. What goals would we set, what tools would we need to accomplish the goals, who do we have to become to achieve the goals? More questions – what character traits will you need, and what habits or skills do you need to develop or strengthen to make your dream happen?
I know so many questions, and not all of them easy to answer. It truly is a reflection and a mindset for growth.
One of the participants had recently relocated to a new barn and desired to achieve more horse experiences and create more friendships with like-minded horse ladies in 2020. We set time aside for a coaching session with Cody. He offered a great deal of love and support to her as she processed through creating new friendships. With the many demands of work, how could she find a work/life balance that would give her the desired time she wanted with her horse? Together, we came up with some reasonable solutions and ways to overcome obstacles that might interfere.
Work/life balance seems to be a common thread with many of the women I coach. If you’re at all searching for some answers or still trying to figure out what you want this next decade to look like talk to your horse. Let them be your coach.
Get into a round pen with your horse. Ask yourself some of the hard questions you don’t seem to have an answer for. Get centered in your body and start walking counterclockwise. Without demanding your horse follow or without a lead rope just start walking. Let him/her connect with you and help you facilitate the answers. Here’s how, if you aren’t honest with yourself and staying in your body and get out of your head, your horse won’t connect. If you do, they will follow. When you stop being centered and, in your body, they will disconnect, step in front of you or do many other things to get your attention. Be with your horse and let them, coach. Listen to the subtle cues they give you.
If you find yourself still not sure, reach out and let a coach help your horse facilitate the coaching process or come on over to my barn and let Cody help me help you.
If you’d like some of the questions I provided during the workshop, reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I’d be happy to send them over to you.
Happy New Year, Vonie