Divorce the Story

 

I was out for a run this morning and listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Marie Forleo and an interview she was doing with the author of WorkParty. They were discussing the author’s failure with her first business, the lessons she’d learned along the way and how she built her second company. The author’s determination, the tenacity, and the desire to push forward were what I needed to hear about, as I had been feeling out of sorts with myself and how the pace of my business was progressing.

My being out of sorts all started one evening during one of my Healing Through Horses Meetups. That evening there was only one person that RSVP’d to the Meetup. She was new, and although, something told me to cancel, I didn’t want to cancel and leave her hanging until the following week.

The story –

My first mistake was not listening to my gut – my gut told me to cancel. My second mistake was not listening to my gut again when I sat across from the attendee – my gut and chest were in turmoil, telling me something was afoot with this client, and something wasn’t right. I figured it was picking up on deep-rooted nervousness and proceeded to open the session. My usual question with new Meetup members is, what was it that brought you to join the Meetup and attend this evening? Alternatively, some variation of the question.

The response was a good clue as to what was afoot with the client. I proceeded in some basic, tried and true Gestalt work with her until we eventually moved into a piece that is a higher level of grading; meaning, a more significant release of the past.

As we proceeded things shifted, and then there was a complete shutdown from the client, and she no longer wanted to participate. What I found after we’d been deep into the work is that her mental health was far beyond my scope of practice.

I learned some valuable lesson that day. First and foremost, to listen to my gut on another level. Second, to ask a few more questions before I work with someone new. Third, once I’ve established some clarity of a person’s mental health, then I can move forward into the deeper work.

What else I learned was that I was vulnerable to the ramblings of someone who needed much more help than I could provide. You see, this woman, let loose on me. The words were ugly, hateful, demeaning, and wounded the part of me that at times believes I’m not-good-enough.

The wound was deep, and it took me some time to divorce the stories I kept telling myself. Who am I to think I could help anyone? What in the world was I thinking about becoming a coach? What right did I have to be working in this field? The questions promoting self-doubt finally ceased. I climbed out of my toilet bowl thinking and was ready to re-write the story.

Divorce the Story –

I was still out running when Marie’s podcast completed, so I moved on to another favorite, Tony Robbins. I had heard Tony say these words before, “Divorce The Story and Marry The Truth.”

So, when I completed my run, I came into my office and wrote myself a note to write this blog and divorce the story and marry the truth.

I had already played the tape of the session over and over in my head enough times to review what transpired. What could I have done differently? Where did the session take a-turn? And, more questions to help me get clear on my part of the session and hers too.

What I realized is I was letting the words and ill will of another person pull me down, and I needed to stop the negative self-talk train. It was derailing me from my goals, my dreams, and purpose of sharing my gifts as a coach.

In writing this blog, I am marrying the truth.

Marry the Truth –

I am damned good at what I do. I have had several opportunities where someone has attended the Meetup and walked away with tears of joy, feelings of accomplishment, a sense of purpose, a belief in themselves, answers for the next step, and more.

I have also coached private clients who also felt they achieved what they set out to accomplish with coaching. I have hosted workshops that people walked away from feeling renewed and energized.

I’m happy to say that I’ve come out the other side of the story and stepped back into my belief in my abilities as a coach and as a woman with the personal power to accomplish what I desire.

I am putting coal in the engine again. The train moving A Tail of New Beginnings forward is me, and I won’t stop. I believe in the cause of women helping women. I believe in the women I want to support and the power of coaching.

I have personally experienced and witnessed how the partnering of horses and a coach can bring so much healing, and that in itself is truly inspiring.

The Offer –

Have you experienced a traumatic event that held you back or an event that kept you stuck? Perhaps another person’s words have stuck in your subconscious, and they play over and over without your awareness. Alternatively, maybe, you hear the negative self-talk consistently and aren’t sure how to rid yourself of the Negative Nancy that keeps holding you hostage in the self-doubt.

On Sunday, October 21, 2018, I am hosting Minimizing Negative Self-Talk. A workshop designed to help you name the Negative Nancies, to reframe the language, to build positive self-talk and more. Hope to see you there.

As always, I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below or feel free to email me and share your story.

In Health,

Vonie

4 Comments

  • michele Posted October 11, 2018 1:33 pm

    Your vulnerability to share is inspiring to say the least. It is not always easy to share, especially publicly, an experience we have gone through. Thank you for putting yourself out there Vonie, and letting us see you!

    • Vonie Posted October 11, 2018 8:36 pm

      Thank you, Michele. It was surprisingly easy to write once I got over the shock.

  • David Kranes Posted October 11, 2018 3:17 pm

    This is a powerful and lovely blog! Good work.

    • Vonie Posted October 11, 2018 8:34 pm

      Thank you, David. I will be working to expand it a bit.

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